Common Sense Living

Key to the Common Sense is Choosing Response.

There is a little bird in the corner upstairs. Like other birds, when somebody watches it or tries to touch, it always flies away. It used to live in that corner without any nest. Sooner it came into family way and it required a nest to lay the eggs. The bird somehow collected some dry grass but it was very little and insufficient to keep and cushion the eggs. Eggs were lying on them very vulnerable and unsafe. One of our colleagues could understand the problem. He picked sufficient grass and went to the bird. We all stopped him for the bird will get scared and will fly away and it will be more dangerous to the survival of eggs. We requested him to let the bird handle in its own way. But he didn't stop. As soon as he stretched his hands towards the nest, the bird flattered its wings. He pulled his hand back. Again he stretched. It flattered more heavily. He attempted for the third time. This time bird slimmed itself down to the corner.  He put the grass and made a bed of it and we got off. The bird shifted the eggs on that cozy bed and sat on them. Later we started putting grains and water. It never flatters. It has learnt a new response, a new method of survival. Eggs hatched. Hatchlings also enjoy the food.

Choosing response is critical.

Critical is taking responsibility.

You may be thinking how are you responsible for all the things happening around; like terrorism or tsunami hitting so many lives, or an increase in politicking in your office? How can you be responsible for a person who assaults you or hurts your feelings? Do you have no choice other than to be afraid, shocked or disheartened?

You are undoubtedly not responsible to the above but you are responsible how you choose your response. A life span is the compilation of results of choices. Each choice shepherds to a probable different set of opportunities, realities and prospects. You have no choice to make no choice.

You always make a choice between doing and not doing. Refusal of doing is not the refusal of choice. This very choice sets the picture for much of the highs and lows that consequently take place in the life.

A young woman went to her mother. She told the mother about her own life that how things were so hard for her. She was quite uncertain and insecure how she was going to make it. She wanted to give up. It seemed as soon as one problem is solved, a new one arises. She was tired of fighting and struggling. The mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water. In the first, she placed carrots. In the second she placed eggs, and in the third, she placed ground coffee beans.

She let them boil without saying a word. About after twenty minutes, she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in another bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a cup.

Turning to her daughter, she said, "Tell me what you see." "Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did, and noted that they felt soft. She then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg inside. Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma and asked, "So, what's the point, mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity - boiling water but each responded differently.  The carrot is strong, hard, and unrelenting but after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid center. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its insides had become hardened. The ground coffee beans when boiled in the water...they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?"

Are you the carrot that seems strong but with pain and adversity wilts and becomes soft and lose your strength?

Are you the egg that starts with a soft heart but changes with the heat? Do you have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship, or some other trial, do you become hardened and stiff?  Does your outer shell look the same but inside are you bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?

Or are you like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water - the very circumstances that bring the pain.  When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor of the bean. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you instead of letting it change you.

When the hours are the darkest and the trials are at their greatest do you elevate to another level?

The best response is to look at your own role in the situation rather than at how much it has hurt you or what others did; and also to ensure that situations of this nature will have less and less chance of developing in your life, or if they do, they will no longer have the power to hurt you.

There may be a clear and correct answer (based on facts and figures); there may be a solution that you need to test; there may be a solution that works in the short term but not in a long term; there might be an insight that feels right; there might be a fuzzy solution that seems to work out but does not appear to have clear boundaries. And you waver.

You used to know all the answers. Now, know some of the questions. Prior to making a choice, question about your mood and feelings, what will be the consequence of a choice, what your conscience says, do you feel good about yourself by doing it, how willing are you, do you have courage to go for it and what does the Common Sense suggest. Follow the three fundamental principles of empathy, compassion, and assertion. They keep one calm and in control.

The earth revolves on the principle, days and nights follow them, we live and die by the principles, we gain or loose by the principles, we are sad or happy by principles. We don't choose them, they are there. The principle of principles is- good of each and every one as a whole. Test your decisions on this. Principle (message 2, Sources of Common Sense, ethical principles and principles of life).

Knowing the right solution is not the Common Sense but an action of independent will completes it. Independent will is the ability to make decisions and choices and to act in accordance with those choices and decisions. Real discipline comes from within; from own core values and from where they are derived is also vital. It is effective to be able to settle down your feelings, impulses and moods to the values that you uphold.